Living In The Gain

A personal trainer handed me a Ted Talk once about 100% commitment. She suggested I wasn’t all in on my health. I was offended. It took me four years to actually digest her recommendation (I know…let’s just say I wasn’t very curious at the time.) Once I had ears to hear what Dr. Benjamin Hardy was saying, it cracked something open. I became fully committed to the process of changing my body, and my identity with nutrition and weight lifting. No alternatives. No skipping meals or work outs. Much less ‘cheating’ on the macro lifestyle I was in at the time…the results were… shocking…

People often work with me because they want to lose weight or heal their gut. Ultimately we know what our bodies need, but providing what the body needs seems impossible. And that is because it all begins with what we believe.

What we believe about our bodies matters.

What we believe about our habits matters.

What we believe about our capacity matters.

What we believe about our ability to change and be different matters.

Beliefs all begin with how we think. Living in the GAP means thinking about what’s missing. Living in the GAIN means thinking about how far you’ve come.

Dr Benjamin Hardy & His Books

I had no idea this concept of The Gap and The Gain would carry me through one of the hardest seasons of my life. Having this skill embedded in my way of living kept me together through a health crisis that took 3 years to fully understand. My fingernails fell out of my right hand. I was covered in a rash mid calf to toes. I could barely walk through the grocery store. Zero energy. This was after 4 years of gut healing, weight lifting, premium macro practicing. It all fell apart and I didn’t know why. But I figured it out because I live in the gain, not the gap.

Living In the Gain - The Mindset to Figure It Out

It took several doctors, self advocacy, study, and perserverance before anyone could explain the fingernails and fatigue - everything else in my blood work was outstanding.

Turns out I’d been exposed to a serious mold toxin and it was agressively growing in my gut and depleting my minerials, nutrients, hormones…you name it. My body was not working on a cellular level. You could see this on the outside of my body in the nails, the skin and toenail fungus as well, but no one could connect the dots.

I began treatement, but I had no idea what a healing journey I’d begun, or how challenging it would be to support my changing health and body.

A year into healing came a cross-country move. Starting over. Leaving a life I knew for one I really didn’t. That’s a big challenge for the brain.

What I found inside The Gap and The Gain was a lens, or a perspective. Psychology even calls it ‘framing’. This beautiful tool, or way of thinking, changed me from the inside out. It gave me the framework to let go of perfection and dive into life. If you've never heard of The Gap and the Gain, keep reading. This might be the most useful thing that lands in your world today.

When Circumstances Cannot Be Controlled

I did not have the power to change my circumstances.

My only power was in how I thought about them.

What I had was the responsibility to remain obedient to what was placed on my heart in any given season - healing, moving, or evolving. In 2023 my health was unconventionally challenged. In 2024 healing began though that journey was a challenge as well. In 2025, stress was all about the cross country move and knowing it was right… in my gut.

There was no strategic workaround. No version of the story where I could stay sick, unhealthy, or comfortable in Florida and still be aligned with what was next for me.

I didn’t worry about staying sick, not healing or what I was losing in such a big move beause the horizon wasn’t fixed for me. There was no exact perfect outcome I needed to happen next…I could envision any move or any health situation from a perspective of winning. I could measure improvements daily, or possibilities in moving to Texas. Goodness became my focus because my mind knew how. I wasn’t trapped in an old pattern of expecting perfection.

Measuring from the Gain

Being in the GAIN means you measure yourself backward, against where you were before. You measure your own progress. You don’t compare yourself to something external. — Goodreads

This advice creates discipline and forward momentum, and even consistency where there was none because you see wins from every single direction - all because you know how to look

The confusion and grief of the health journey+ the huge move did not disappear. The situation did not soften. If anything, I piled more stress onto my body in summer 2025 than I’ve piled on in decades.

But it became bearable because of how I measured it.

When the Season Would Have Unraveled Me

There was a time when a season like this would have unraveled me. My body has faltered under the stress of a cross country move before. My mind has collapsed under pressure of so much adversity in the past. I have crumbled.

But this time, my body and mind supported the transition — even under immense physical + mental strain.

Not because the circumstances were easier. But because I was no longer living from the gap. I wasn’t comparing my health journey, business or cross country move to anyone else’s. I was literally measuring wins daily in my life and building momentum most of the time.

I became steady and resilient. There were ups and downs. Nothing about this has been linear. My stress managment was thrown out the window with no gym and no meditation in such chaos. How does one survive when everything in life feels like such an explosion?

One tiny step at a time and reflecting on the good daily.

With hindsight, I can see something clearly: Resilience and emotional fitness are not loud. They are quiet disciplines practiced under pressure. They come from understanding and perceiving the wins in chaotic everyday life, and counting them. Not discarding or minimizing, but appreciating the pieces of the moving parts as change evolves all around us.

Understanding The Gap and The Gain offers a perspective so different from what you are used to that it might feel like magic at first. The more you practice and share the concept, the better it gets.

What the Horizon Clarified

Now I can see this season is fruitful, and it offers wonders I didn't expect. Energy! Health! Brain power! I am STILL fit!

I couldn’t imagine how things are unfolding now, but I could count on seeing the wins in each day, each season by understanding how to live in the gain.

The horizon is not mine to control. Perfection is not mine to pursue. The fruit of my life is not even mine to manufacture. My responsibility is obedience and alignment. The lens I choose determines the life I live.

Thanks for reading to the end.  Find The Gap and The Gain here. Watch Dr. Hardy’s 17 minute Ted Talk here.