Evolution of Self Care

Feeling Unmotivated? You Don’t Need Discipline—You Need This Instead

There’s a version of self-care that gets talked about constantly, and the word discipline is off my list here now, and this is why.

Wake up early. Be consistent. Stay disciplined. Push through. Make time for me.

But there’s another version—the one most people actually need—and almost no one is saying it out loud.

Not “fix yourself.”
Not “motivate yourself.”
Not “be more disciplined.”

Manage yourself.

That shift changes everything.

The Problem With Discipline

Discipline is the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, often using punishment to correct disobedience. It refers to self-control, orderly conduct, and specific methods of training to improve skills or behavior, such as military drill or personal, goal-oriented habits. (Miriam Webster Dictionary)

A lack of discipline, therefore, is a lack of training.

Have we trained ourselves in the art of understanding what is happening in the body? Have we trained ourselves to structure our refrigerators so healthy food calls out to us, at the same time, hiding things we want to cut away from our daily intake out of sight. Have we trained ourselves to keep dense nutrition in the grocery cart?

How can we expect to be disciplined if we haven’t been trained in the how of it?

• Body scans every morning: Checking in with the body to see what you are feeling where. This is a discipline that helps understand what we are really feeling and why.

• Cleaning out the fridge weekly: This is the discipline of a food enviroment that calls to us with healthy eating habits.

• Hiding or not purchasing foods that we do not want to eat - so they do not trigger us - this is a discipline of keeping the pantry in order.

• Only purchasing groceries from the perimiter of the store creates a discipline in how we approach nutrition in the grocery cart.

The discipline is entrenched in the habits and environments we create for ourselves. It thrives or fails based on how we take care of ourselves.

So what discipline are we learning? What discipline am I learning? I’ve got rituals and routines that create a clear path to me FEELING solid, hopefully energized, clear minded and ready to take on and find joy in whatever unfolds in the day created. These disciplines are equal to self care.

The Truth About Self-Care That Actually Changes Your Life

My self care has evolved, and it’s now more of a discipline (way I have trained myself over and over) to draw a line in the sand when it comes to how I treat my body. Life has ups and downs, but how we treat or take care of our bodies doesn’t need ups and downs.

If you’re assuming discipline equals consistency - that is true too. How do you find consistency? It lives in the routines, habits and rituals of your life. You have habits, so take a look to see if they are serving you, or not. (Detached Observation - how to see your habits and routines)

Solve for self care with mindset and discipline is fantastic. But you might have more of a management problem, I know I did! I needed some new thinking and training around how I approach the day after healing from a long term illness dealing with black mold.

We don’t often consider ‘managing’ or ‘parenting’ ourselves. Sometimes, we don’t even consider self care - which is true self management. Some people consider ‘self care’ a buzz word for nails, hair, pedicures, and massages which are appearance care, not necessarily self care.

Self management might make more sense than self care. I love looking great, don’t get me wrong. But in the past I had a difficult relationship with me. Taking care of myself - through nutrition and mindset was not in my lane of thinking. I actually had to come to terms with the fact that I was not taking care of myself, though I looked great. I rarely felt great, and as my health deteriorated over time, it showed on the outside.

What Self-Management Actually Looks Like

Self-management is quieter, smarter, and more adaptive.

It doesn’t ask you to override reality.

It asks you to work with it. It’s building nutrition, enviornment and mindsets that allow you to like you AND get through the day well. It’s learning how to see the gains in every day and not measure progress against perfection.

My journey with true self care began in my 40’s - it was frivolous and all about avoiding shame until that point. Today, self care or self management, is all about managing the factors in my life that make it good, full and enjoyable.

5 Steps for REAL self care

1. Manage Your Environment

Your environment is not neutral.

It is either helping you or quietly working against you.

When things feel harder than they should, this is often the first place to look.

Create spaces that reduce friction instead of increasing it. Make your priorities visible. Keep tools/things you need visible and accessible. Build a setup that invites you into the work instead of requiring force to begin.

You don’t need more willpower.

You need better cues.

3 Cues for an Inviting Environment

These spaces will call to you if you use them over and over.

• Small stack: journal, book, candle on coffee table edge, soft blanket on chair. The space invites you to sit down

• Quiet, maybe empty corner: store yoga mat, candle, water bottle, journal. Stretch and mind dump before bed.

• Edge of couch: drape a great fuzzy blanket over edge, keep journal and pen under cushion so it’s hidden, but always available.

2. Manage Your Nutrition

Managing your nutrition is one of the most practical forms of self-care because it is how you manage your energy, your mood, your clarity, and your capacity for the day in front of you.

It is not about eating perfectly. It is not about punishing yourself back into control. It is about learning what your body needs in order to support you well.

Sometimes self-care looks like planning breakfast before the morning gets chaotic. Sometimes it looks like choosing protein because you know your brain works better when your blood sugar is steady. Sometimes it looks like drinking water, packing food, eating before you crash, or noticing which foods leave you foggy, inflamed, anxious, or exhausted.

Nutrition becomes self-care when you stop asking, “What should I be allowed to eat?” and start asking, “What helps me feel steady, nourished, clear, and capable?”

Because feeding yourself well is not a side project.

It is part of managing yourself.

Start with tiny steps if this is overwhelming. Remove one item you know needs to go. Add one item in that needs to be in your body.

3. Manage Identity Switching

You are not one role.

You are carrying multiple worlds at once.

You move between work, home, caregiving, growth, healing—all within the same week, sometimes the same day.

Without intentional transitions, those roles blur together. And when they blur, everything starts to feel heavy.

Clear entry. Clear exit.

Even small shifts—closing a laptop, stepping outside, changing locations—signal to your brain that something has ended and something new has begun.

That’s regulation.

4. Manage Your Attention

If you don’t decide what gets your attention, something else will.

And it’s usually the loudest, not the most meaningful.

Self-management means protecting your focus long enough to do work that creates results. (Meal planning, meal prepping, grocery shopping, cooking, moving, breathing, stillness…)

Not just reacting all day. (Learn more about intentional vs reactionary behavior here.)

5. Manage Your Inventory

Your brain is not a storage unit.

When everything lives in your head—ideas, tasks, reminders, plans—it creates low-level pressure that never turns off.

External systems change that.

When things are captured, organized, and visible, your brain can shift from holding to thinking.

That’s where clarity returns. Start with a journal. Use your phone notes or a notepad. Getting it out of your head and onto paper allows you to see, observe, and even change your thinking…(journaling episode)

The Reframe Most People Miss

Some people rely on brute discipline.

You may, or may not be one of them.

That’s not a flaw.

You may perform better through intelligent design—through systems, environments, and rhythms that support how you actually function.

That’s not weakness.

It’s sophistication. True self care is sophisticated.

Your New Role: CEO of You

This is where self-care becomes real.

Not surface-level. Not reactive.

Strategic.

You are the CEO of your own performance. That means you stop asking, “What’s wrong with me?” And start asking better questions:

• What supports how I work best?

• What drains me unnecessarily?

• What actually deserves focus right now?

• What needs a system instead of more effort?

• What can wait?

This is leadership, and it’s something we grow into with practice. Just a few years ago I recorded my first podcast about self care. As you can see, where I began and where I am now are very different. And I’d venture to say that self care is how I was able to understand something was physically wrong with me once exposed to that black mold a few years ago, and it led me to healing as well. Intentionally taking care of myself and managing my own care have been essential to getting my energy and life back online. Self Care Podcast #1

The 3-Minute Daily Check-In That Changes Everything

Before you start your day, pause.

Not for long. Just long enough to get honest.

Where am I today vs yesterday? We are not looking at today vs where I want to be. This allows us to always see the forward motion in each day. It’s called living in the gain.

That’s it. No pressure to be everything.

Just clarity on what matters.

What to Stop Doing

Stop interpreting every off day as failure.

Stop expecting the same level 10 output in every condition (energized vs not energized).

Stop using shame as a management tool because it doesn’t work, and it never has.

Open your eyes to see what does work for you.

What to Start Doing

Start adjusting inputs. What are you listening to most of the time? What are you watching? How are these things influencing you?

Start designing your conditions.

Start using rhythms instead of rigid rules.

Start tracking patterns so you can actually learn what works.

The Honest Truth

You’ve likely spent years trying to “fix” yourself.

Trying to think better, be better, and do more.

But many of the problems we’ve all been fighting…are in the ‘how’ we are taking care of ourselves.

We don’t need fixing, but we do need evolving and a different lens with which to see our progress.

The Shift That Changes Everything

You don’t need to control yourself.

You need to lead yoursel, and leadership doesn’t look like pressure.

Leadership looks like awareness, adjustment, and intentional design.

That’s real self-care - the kind that changes you from the inside out.

Do you have the guts to manage you? It’s a task we cannot risk leaving to others.

Want help seeing what’s actually running your patterns?
Take the Eyes to See exercise and start managing your life with clarity instead of pressure.